so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she woke up with a sticky ear
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
