dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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