i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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