this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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