is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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