I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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