She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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