I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
