I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
