My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just had sex on a roof
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
