dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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