12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
