Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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