i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize