Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
