Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
