Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
