why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
