I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize