meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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