And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
