Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
