I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
