He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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