sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
