I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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