We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
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I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
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I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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