She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
