WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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