All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Im part way to drunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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