I wish my penis had an off switch
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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