well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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