see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
