I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize