Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
