Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
