I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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