Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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