I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
