is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
