i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
