I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
