On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
