I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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