I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dear god my vagina.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
