Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You are the jesus of drinking
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
