I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
