Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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