After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
