Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
