I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
