piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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