just tell him i said nine months
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
