I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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