Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
